TOOTH FAIRIES
By
Ryan Fuller

Ext. House - Night
A starry nighttime sky fills the screen. Suddenly two streaks of light, one purple and one green, shoot across the sky. The camera tilts down to a house, lit only by the light of a street lamp. The light flies toward an upstairs window.

Ext. Windowsill - Night
Two tiny tooth fairies land on the windowsill. One is tall, skinny, and purple (ARTEMUS) and the other is short, fat, green, and is holding a quarter almost as big as he is (DUMBLE). ARTEMUS glances at a clipboard.

ARTEMUS
Is this the right place?

DUMBLE
(peeks at the clipboard then looks around, yawns)
I think so…

ARTEMUS
(turns to window)
I think I saw a chimney. We can use that as our entry point…

DUMBLE lifts the window open.

ARTEMUS
Oh. Very good then.

They enter through the open window.

Int. Bedroom - Night
They enter into a darkened bedroom, lit only by a blue night-light. On the bed is a sleeping boy, buried under the covers. The sounds of his breathing and the slight up and down of the covers are the only indication of his presence. ARTEMUS and DUMBLE fly across the room and over to the nightstand next to the boy’s bed. Artemus produces a pen and makes a check on his clipboard.

ARTEMUS
Mmhmm.

DUMBLE flutters around Artemus’ shoulder stealing glances at the clipboard.

DUMBLE
How many teeth is this for this one?

ARTEMUS
This is his first I think…

DUMBLE
His first lost tooth. Tonight is extra special.

ARTEMUS
Well we have a busy night ahead of us so let’s try and stay focused, k?

DUMBLE
Can I go get it?

ARTEMUS
It’s my turn. You did it last time.

DUMBLE
I think you did it last time…

ARTEMUS puts the clipboard away and flies to the bed and slides under the pillow. He emerges a second later, with the tooth. DUMBLE hands him the quarter and he slides it under the pillow.

ARTEMUS
All set.

DUMBLE
Can I carry it?

ARTEMUS
No.

DUMBLE
Can I carry it?

ARTEMUS
You can help.

They both grab the tooth and fly it toward the window.

Ext. Windowsill - Night
They fly out the window but ARTEMUS smacks his head against the window edge. They stagger and drop the tooth over the windowsill. They stare ahead, shocked and stunned, as they try and comprehend what just happened.

ARTEMUS
Oh no.

DUMBLE
What did you do?

ARTEMUS
Me? You were flying too fast.

DUMBLE
Too Fast? You’re the one who smashed into the window. Don’t try and blame this on me.

ARTEMUS
(taking deep breaths)
Ok ok, lets stay calm. We’ll figure this out.

DUMBLE
Let’s go and look for it Artemus.

ARTEMUS
Good thinking Dumble.

They both fly over the edge and out of sight. The camera sits still waiting for their return. A few seconds later they pop back up. Artemus falls to the windowsill in despair.

ARTEMUS
It’s lost. We’re never gonna find it. We lost a tooth! She’s never lost a tooth before. Thousands of years…millions of teeth…never a single one missing. We are so fired, we’ll be a laughing stock.

DUMBLE
We? You’re the one who smashed into the window.

ARTEMUS
You were flying too fast. It was all I could do to hold on to the tooth, of which I was holding up most of the weight, and keep up while you were heading Mach 5 toward the window.

DUMBLE
It just shows what a petty and childish creature you really are that you’re trying to put the blame onto my shoulders when you are clearly the incompetent one here.

ARTEMUS
(near tears)
You sure take the credit when we bring a tooth back but suddenly when we lose one its all my fault isn’t it. She’s gonna kills us. What are we gonna do? What’s gonna happen to us? Oh what have you done? How could you drop a tooth?

DUMBLE
WAIT WAIT WAIT I have an idea.

ARTEMUS
(hopeful)
You do?

DUMBLE
We need another tooth.

ARTEMUS
We were sent to retrieve that tooth.

DUMBLE
As long as its from the same person one tooth is as good as another.

ARTEMUS
(looks suspicious)
What are you saying?

DUMBLE smiles and goes back through the window and into the house.

ARTEMUS
Oh please no.

Int. Bedroom - Night
Artemus flies across the room to the nightstand after Dumble.

ARTEMUS
No no no no no no no. Are you absolutely nuts.

Artemus lands on the nightstand. Dumble is staring at the boy.

ARTEMUS
This is insane. We bring back the tooth we’re assigned to bring back. This is not what we do, this is not what we’re about. We’re tooth fairies, we’re not dentists.

DUMBLE
He’s gotta have another loose one in there, we just give it a shove and a tug and then we’re outa here. By the time the rest of his teeth fall out and she finds a discrepancy it’ll be somebody else’s problem.

ARTEMUS has his head in his hands.

ARTEMUS
Why? Why? Why? Oh how could this happen to me. Am I being punished for something?

DUMBLE flies onto the boys blanket and disappears out of sight around the far side of the boys head.

ARTEMUS
You can’t possibly be considering actually doing this? Do you know what she’d do if she found out what you were doing? You remember what happened to Otto when he brought back a chipped tooth. I can’t let this happen. I can’t let you do this. I’m going to go back to her and tell her what happened and beg forgiveness. A couple of rogue tooth fairies, taking whatever tooth they want. I’m disgraced…
What are you doing? You did not…

DUMBLE
(his voice is echoey, from inside the mouth)
I think I found a loose one.

ARTEMUS
Really?

DUMBLE
(excited)
Oh yeah! Really loose.

ARTEMUS
How loose?

DUMBLE
Uhhhh…sixty…eighty percent loose.

ARTMUS
Eighty percent?

DUMBLE
Eighty easy.

ARTEMUS
That’s not bad.

DUMBLE
Not at all.

ARTEMUS
That’s about ready to pop out all by itself I suppose.

DUMBLE
It’s hanging on by a thread.

ARTEMUS
It’s better if we get that outa there.

DUMBLE
We’re saving the organization a trip if we just grab it now.

ARTEMUS
It could fall out in his sleep. He could choke on it.

DUMBLE
Can’t have that on our conscience. Knowing we could have prevented it.

ARTEMUS
So what if it’s not really within the rules.

DUMBLE
We have to do what’s right, that’s all.

ARTEMUS
So are you just gonna pull it out?

DUMBLE
Just a sec…

Artemus waits a sec.

ARTEMUS
Dumble?

DUMBLE
It’s not coming out…

ARTEMUS
Maybe there are some pliers or something around here.

DUMBLE
I think it shifted a little.

ARTEMUS
Well that’s good.

DUMBLE
(still inside the mouth)
It’s hard to get a good grip on the thing. I hope he doesn’t wake up.

ARTEMUS
Wait wait, I have an idea. We’ll tie a rope or something to the tooth…

DUMBLE
Uh huh…

ARTEMUS
… and we hold the end.

DUMBLE
Brilliant…

ARTEMUS
Then we’ll take off…

DUMBLE
Extraordinary…

ARTEMUS
By the time the kid wakes up screaming and bleeding we’ll be well on our way, along with the tooth.

DUMBLE
Artemus, I have a newfound respect for you.

ARTEMUS
We’re saved.

Suddenly a loud swallowing sound…Sounds of the child breathing stop.
Artemus freezes.

ARTEMUS
Dumble?

The child’s asleep breathing starts up again.

ARTEMUS
(starting to get panicked)
Uhhhhh…Dumble?

Artemus runs over to the boy and glares down at him from atop his covers.

ARTEMUS
(a total wreck)
DUMBLE!!! OH NO NO HELP ME HELP ME NO DUMBLE!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL HER NOW. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?!! OH OH…

Artemus jumps down from the covers onto the bed.

ARTEMUS
AHHHHHHHHHHH!! HELP ME HELP ME…. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO…

Suddenly the boy rolls over onto Artemus and a sqooshing sound is heard.

The camera stays still for a moment. Then begins to slowly pull back. It goes out the window and through the neighborhood and back into the night sky.